“To The Batcave, Nancy!”
by Brett Roberts
Would you say that Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi have superhuman powers like vampires, or just super awesome skills and cool utility belts like Batman and Robin? I figure it’s one of the two, because they’re passing historic and mysterious legislation at a seemingly superhuman rate and they clearly prefer to work in the darkness of night.
Harry claims to have a new health care bill, but nobody’s seen it. It passed the senate in the middle of the night on a weekend. It’s so exciting! You know what would be cool, is if it was written on the back of the Declaration of Independence, and we had to steal it to be able to read it.
I don’t think Harry and Nancy are vampires, now that I think of it. I mean, aren’t vampires supposed to be good looking? Yeah, they’re clearly not vampires. Of course, it’s possible that Hollywood isn’t giving us an accurate depiction of vampires. Nah! Hollywood would never lead us astray. Hey, I wonder if Harry could use a copy of the health care bill as a weapon. I mean, that thing’s gotta weigh 60 lbs. It could stop armor-piercing rounds.
Now I’m just rambling. I’m sorry. It’s just so exciting to have real heros working for us, you know? Nasty looking, horrid creatures by day, then by night they’re saving the people of this country from themselves. I mean, who else but some kind of superhero would have the strength of will to go completely against the desires of the people and pass a bill that has significantly less support than the legalization of marijuana and even less than Hillarycare! That takes super strength. Ha, now we’re back to vampires again, or maybe aliens, like Superman.
They’ve been talking a lot lately behind locked doors. No republicans or press allowed. I wonder if it’s because they don’t want to reveal their Batcave. Ha, now we’re back to the Batman scenario. Nancy IS an old bat… so does that make her a vampire or some kind of Bat Woman?
It’s all so mysterious. It’s like a mystery novel of our real lives where we don’t get to find out what’s going to happen to us until it’s too late. It’s all so exciting. Who needs security when you can have excitement? I honor Harry and Nancy, and their soon to be legendary ability to make these times some of the most exciting and eventful in history.
Buckle up, everybody.
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